NBTD

unrequited luv (wth is dat anyway?)

lol i juz like posting entries like the previous one.makes ppl wonder wuts going on hahaha.sorry for not commenting anything about it, so i'l make it clear in this entry.

that was a gtalk chat log between me n sum1 a few days back.its exactly as wut u guys read it (i had 2 delete sum parts wic might reveal her identity :P). seems desperate? lol i think so too. but what the heck, she's my gf now ahaha~

the next day (of that chat) both of us discussed about it, and decided to go for it.well, there were several "terms and conditions" that were agreed upon, one of wic is we both were 2 care for each other, but cant control wut the other is doing. in other words, i can still date other gurls and hav fun anyway i like, and the same goes for her.

i know some might think that this is nonsense. actually..me too.. the idea of having a gf, but not having any emotional feeling for her is selfish, sick, or wutever u guys might call it.

in fact i already told her that my heart is wif sum1 else, and she openly accepts that. i DO care for her, but still only as a friend. and its the same wif her. i dont know when i will develop some feelings for her, or whether i will hav those feelings or not.

hopes? i dont want 2 put any in this rltnship. coz i dont want it to get complicated, as i already hav with another "open relationship". fyi i wont be revealing who she is, or giving any hints :P we'l juz wait for the right time. if both of us get along well in this couple of months (and if i get to forget the one my heart is stuck wif), we'll announce it. but it'll be against the odds, sort of 30-70..

lastly,i hope u're alright wif me writing this dear (referring to gf) :P this is wut i really feel. and to the other person...wut i wanna tell u is quite personal to be written here, so do pm me.

Confessions of a ________ heart (fill in the blanks urself)

her: 
fahmi!!!

me: 
ye!
sowi i gi bli mknn td~

her: 
erk
sowi..i gi mknt dik
:p

me: 
;p

her: 
haha
how are u?
hehee

me: 
im missing u
hihi

her: 
missine me?
eh..salah eja
hahaha
tibe2 leh miss me ka

me: 
mmg..
lame dh..

her: 
erm
lame..
tk penah ckp pun
eh jakas
ko cmne skrg?
single ke? dah de buah ati?

me: 
ko la buah ati aku
hihi

her: 
ceh
aku nak ngurat ko nie
hahaha
tknak..sudah

me: 
ala
ye la
aku tgh layan la ni

her: 
haha
tol2 la
nie tol2 nak ngurat
tol2 punye
jom kapel
haha
tgk..diam...ye2 la tu..layan aku..tah bape byk window ngan awek ko tgh bukak tu

me: 
erk
sowi dear i gi mkn td
ko
seyes ke?
sat
aku kne pk dlu
tp ko kne trime ar aku suke lyn ponpuan
agaga

her: 
erm...ala..tkmo la..dulu kan ko ckp....tk mungkin ko suke aku
ingt tak?
haha

me: 
aku xkn suke
but
bole je nk kapel
kakaka

her: 
takkan suke?
tpi nak kapel?
hahaha
wat pe?
tpi..kalo org tnye..ko de awek ke tak..ko claim ko single agik
tk bes la..nanti..im nothing la..tkde any significant langsung dlm life ko
tk besh
haha

me: 
lol
aku
tgh men game
nk ckp psl bende ni
nnt sat k

her: 
men gem..ceh..cmtu abaikan je
:p

me: 
ko kene paam la
nnt jd awek aku
mmg aku x lyn sgt kalu tgh men game lo
;p

her: 
haha....dun weri.......
gi2..men gem
syuh3
haha
:p

me: 
umm
aku paste chat kite kat blog bleh? ;p

her: 
erk
oih
jgn
haha
leh
tpi hide my name...
haha

her: 
laju nya kamu
hahaha
still men gem ke?

me: 
yerp hehe
saba ye yang

her: 
yeah..sori to disturb...tot...u were blogging..suddenly ur blog adress kuar...sori yeah..papai`

me: 
erk

her: 
erm
ade2

me: 
ok
now
i need 2 know ur status
rly
ko nan him ape cite?

her: 
erm...
takde....
we are frens
anyway
just forget d idea la...
i dun think it can
i myself can never be with u....even if i did love u....

me: 
that's true
n as i told u my heart's wif sum1 else
even if u were 2 bcome my gf pon

her: 
n i noe

me: 
i dun think i'l hav any deep feelings 4 u

her: 
skrg pun...i dun actually love u...
it just
i like u...
i dunno
some crazy idea slip thru my mind
haha

me: 
hahaha
know wut
i oso pnah ask d same q
i mean
i pnah ask sum1 2 bcome my gf
walopon
its d same like tis la
hahaha
nk tau x sape?
:P

her: 
sape?

me: 
teka2
;p

her: 
xxx?
yyy?

me: 
haha pndi ko
xxx 2 of coz la bukan

her: 
yyy?
haha

me: 
apsal tah aritu aku tny yyy
kakakaka

her: 
haha
:p

me: 
n her answer was
if i rly luved hre, she'l gladly accept
but malangnye i dun
kakaka

her: 
i think the same situation is happening to me..haha...
haha
no la
one thing that always in my mind ...
-------------------------------- (removed ;p)
so...there's no way in dis world..ill be ur gf...

me: 
tahu xpe
lgpon
u dun know me
im not good as i may seem
byk setan nih
kakaka

her: 
im not sure...him gud fren ko or not...but...when i was his gf...he trust my frenship with u...as he trust me
haha
ko ingt
ko sorg je setan
haha

me: 
setan aku lg byk daa
lol

her: 
ye la kot
sbbb u r more evil then me
anyway
did u paste our chat dlm ur blog

me: 
x yet
nnt i paste

her: 
jgn..aku tktau la..y..but i cant never think to hurt his feeling more
erm
can u change ur mind...of doing that

me: 
oo
ok
i wont paste it
ala

her: 
tengs jakas
nape?

me: 
kate suh buang name

her: 
apesal nak paste

me: 
bole je aku buang name

her: 
erm

me: 
saje :P

her: 
nak buang..buang la
suka ati la

me: 
aku paste semua from top 2 btm
ok?
hahahaha

her: 
erk
bengong
dush2

me: 
smpi skg nih
lol

her: 
tkmo!!!
haha

me: 
erk
ahahaha

her: 
anyway we're meant to be frens only..
kui3
:p

me: 
gud2
pasted!

her: 
haih...sori ya...for thinking like dat
haha
mengom!!!
dah2...im going home
bye

me: 
bye~
esok cek la blog i k

(abeda :P)

What goes around comes around..

Ok, now who believes in karma? Well, i do (i think :P). Sometimes i put my friends first especially when they've problems or in need of help, and i believe by accomplishing that ppl will do good things to me to in the future.

But the ugly side is i also do bad things to other people..

I admit that i'm quite selfish, i want things to be in my favor without considering what other people might feel about it. And i think the person which i hurt the most by being selfish is my ex.. honestly sumtimes i do still think about her. wondering if she's doing fine with her life..wondering if she already moved on..

What i did to her might be done to me too..and when that happens (if it does), i'l be ready for it..i guess.

When i was still wif my ex, there was a time when i cared for sum1 else..but that person made the decision to back off coz she dont want the same thing to be done to her by her bf. But juz now, i had a chat wif her in ym, n she told me she's still hurt whenever she sees me with another gurl. I was speechless then..and i responded to her by telling her that she was the one who ran away, i accepted that fact, and soon i got rid of my feelings to her. There was a moment of silence after that, but we changed the topic and continued to chat as usual.

To me, i still care about her, as a friend. I cant care for her as much as i did before, as i've other things to care about.

Liar Liar

Amongst the many kinds of people in the world, the ones i hate the most are liars. They tell false statements with intentions to deceive people for their own interests, such as protecting a secret or reputation, or to avoid punishment, or even just to make fun of people. There are also some who say they lie for the greater good (e.g. to prevent someone from getting hurt, to maintain peace and harmony in a community, etc) but i say that's just BS.

I cant exactly point out why i hate them, but the important fact is that i do. And may liars burn in hell along with murderers, thieves, rapists, and drug junkies.

This is a really short post :P

Jiwang mode =Þ

Ever wondered why luv hurts?

I often think about it, but i've yet 2 find d answer. I've been hurt several times..n i've also done d hurting. And right now, i'm consumed and hurt by my own feelings, which i dun know why the heck do i hav them.

Yea sure, u can act tough or try 2 be strong, but reality is its really hard 2 forget sum1 who u luv so much. The pain takes time to heal. And later when if it heals, it'l leave a scar in ur heart. And its not impossible for the wound to open again.

To wait for the wound to heal and move on, or to wait for the time when i can be wif dat sum1 again? Its not a simple choice for me. Some might agree that moving on is best, but wif the way i am now its really hard. So i decided on the latter.

I alwez wonder, during the time i'm waiting, wud she find sum1 else? Its possible. And this thought really makes me uneasy...

But nevertheless, i'm trying my best 2 believe in her.

Dear luv,
I've said tis once, n i'm going 2 say it again.
My heart's still wif u...keep it sumwhere safe first, n when d time is right, i'l need u 2 care 4 it. Please dont break it..
I'l wait for u.

Tutauzenet

New life?
Of course. No more studying and hostel life. Will start a working life from now on, and a new place 2 live. I'l be busy (hopefully, so i can forget about a few things),but d gud thing is i'l have my own income (and i'l hav 2 learn 2 manage it!).

New car?
Most probably not. I want 2, but realistically thinking i cant afford it yet. Not until i've a stable income.

New home?
As mentioned earlier, the chances are high. If Petronas were to hire me, i'd be sent sumwhere away from home (coz afaik they dun hav any OPUs in JB).

New gadgets?
Hell yeah! Tis old k500i phone is giving up on me. Plan 2 get a PDA phone >_< And not 2 forget, a PSP too!

New hobby?
Err....I doubt it. Prolly will resume my old hobby (MTG) but if i hav the money and time.

New friends?
Looking forward 2 it :) but it doesnt mean i'l forget u guys.  I believe that friends are the only "things" (sowi, cant think of another word) that last forever. (wina, soti waty, uena, gomok, and everybody else...i rly miz u all).

New love?
Not sure myself. Luv isnt predictable. Lets juz wait n c wut happens (although i've already given my heart 2 sum1).

Anything else?
Hurm...new lappy?

Sorry as tis is a brief one. its already 4am and i'm kinda drowsy. Happy new year everyone (although there's only 11 months left in tis one :P). May u all be successful and prosperous, and remember to alwez think +ve.